It's been a while. Hi guys! I didn't forget about this place.
(Although, it's crazy, because I don't wear my ribbons anymore, after three years. It's incredible, I'm free of them. I got the courage because of my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/I have no idea. But they're still a large part of my life, so I'm going to keep this blog the same.
Speaking of a big part of my life, love. Love is a huge part. I like to think I have a basic understanding of it. But in the midst of things, that definition gets muddled. People often think it's a lot more complicated than it really is. And that makes horrible situations like the ones I'm in with loved ones and friends. It kinda drives me insane. So to make sure I don't forget, and maybe others don't forget, I'm going to write my definition here.
Love: is a FEELING. It is not a question. It is not a commitment. It is not a promise. It is a feeling. It is kinda like happiness, or sadness, or anger, except it is tied to physical objects. which really, so is everything else.
Love is basically feeling an incredible sense of happiness when in the prescence of something/someone you love. It is absolutely nothing more than that.
Just like other emotions, it has varying depths. For example, there is platonic love. I have a dear friend who Ii can sincerely say I love. Whenever I see her, I am very happy, and she means the world to me and I'll protect her no matter what. But I want nothing to do with her romantically. That would be weird. It also isn't as intense of a love as a romantic love, but just as meaningful. Seeing her happy brings my life joy. It's just like happiness, or sadness, or anger. You may see roadkill, and it will make you sad. You see someone die, and it makes you cry, There's depression, that cripples you. Different levels, same emotion. Sometimes so radically different that it feels like different emotions, but really they're the same.
Then there's romantic love, which people tend to always think about. My example is my girlfriend. I love her to the depths of my heart, and forgive her for all she does and embrace her. Seeing her instantly brightens my day. Whenever I am with her, there is an intense happiness surrounding me. And I just want to hold her forever, and keep her around me and feeling safe, and hold her hand. It is much more intimate. (Not sexual though. Sexual attraction is still, while it can be linked, completely different).
I believe love even goes to objects, though at a much lesser extent. There can be items which, with a strong enough attraction, can be loved. That you feel the certain emotion, love, when you are around it. Love is triggered. Usually it is the most basic form of love, but it still counts. I think that's how some people actually develop a emotional attraction to inanimate objects. (sexual attraction is still a completely different story though, and has nothing to do with love).
That is the definition, but s many people mess it up. They automatically think it is sort sort of obligation or commitment. It. Is. Not. That's what destroys people.
Just because I love someone doesn't mean they automatically have to do something for me. That's retarded. They are my feelings, and my feelings alone. So if someone doesn't reciprocate your love, why should it matter? It isn't a question. Just because seeing a certain someone makes you angry, you don't go to that person and say "I hate you! Do you hate me too?" Some people do. They feel like it means more when it is a shared feeling. It's true, this creates a certain bond. It is a good thing. But people tend to think love only exists with that bond. When someone you hate doesn't hate you back, do you say, "You know what, it isn't working, I guess I'll stop hating that guy now." No. You don't. That's stupid. You can't control who you hate. It just happens. If your hate does burn out when the other person doesn't reciprocate, that is only because you were trying to get attention, and the fabricated feeling wasn't even real in the first place.
So it really annoys me when someone is in love, and when the other person involved doesn't feel the same the original decides they are sick of being the only one feeling and they're giving up. Love doesn't work that way. So it's somehow the other person's fault because they don't have a certain happiness that you do? That's selfish. You don't say that, and give up. Love is b eing happy with someone. There are no negatives in that. Love is a blessing. Throwing that blessing away because you didn't get a special bond out of it is like throwing away the winning lottery ticket because you only got $10,000 instead of $90,000.
People are chasing a love story instead of being grateful they have a love to begin with. it's a special thing. A bond is just something that may occur from love, but isn't actual love itself. It's an addition. Separate. So when Person A is in love with Person B, but Person B doesn't love them back, person A shouldn't just throw in the towel and give up. You can't 'give up' love. It isn't a challenge. It isn't a goal. that's like giving up sadness or happiness. You just can't. They are completely out of your control. If you could throw it away, that was a fabricated love all along that you made up to make yourself feel good. That's stupid.
You can't beat yourself up because someone doesn't love you. It isn't personal. You have to think about as 'they don't have an incredible happiness whenever they see you'. It doesn't mean they don't care about you an incredible amount. Forcing obligations on them when it is your feelings and just your feelings is just hurtful and self-diestructive. If everyone just understood this, it wouldn't be so damn hard.
I have a friend who is in love with me. He has been for a number of years. I don't love him. He is one of my greatest friends in the world. He means so much to me. But it doesn't matter because somehow, because I don't have feelings for him, it is hurting him. i have no control over it, but somehow i am at fault. And I see him saying "I am sick of being the only one trying, I'm giving up, love is stupid." It kills me. It hurts me. I feel terrible. I'm sure he wants me to read it. But what the hell can I do? I can't force myself to love him. I can't stop loving the person I care about, who makes me happy. Comments like these is like saying 'you're really happy, but I'm not, so stop being happy for me'. And no one in love would say that.
Again, there's nothing I can do about the situation, But at least, I can make sure I never forget this theory, which I made years ago long before this stupid situation, and maybe I can share it so others understand. I just wish everything could be better.
Remember: love is a blessing. Love is an incredible happiness you can't find anywhere else. Love is a rarity that shouldn't be squandered, and isn't meant to cause you harm. Love is not something that you can take away, but it comes and goes as you let it, flows from person to person over time. It is one way and one way only, and even if the person loves you back, while the bond is one you share, the love is something individual, something differnt for each partner and not controlled by the other. As soon as you start connecting your love with someone else, you are blaming someone else. If you know it is your own feeling, just like your anger, your fear, your gladness, and your sadness, then you won't get hurt or angry when others don't reciprocate.
Cherish your gift and don't ruin the experience. Don't give up on love forever wen it doesn't go 'right'. Love is not a journey, but it will lead you on one, just like every other emotion.
Life is good.
(Although, it's crazy, because I don't wear my ribbons anymore, after three years. It's incredible, I'm free of them. I got the courage because of my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/I have no idea. But they're still a large part of my life, so I'm going to keep this blog the same.
Speaking of a big part of my life, love. Love is a huge part. I like to think I have a basic understanding of it. But in the midst of things, that definition gets muddled. People often think it's a lot more complicated than it really is. And that makes horrible situations like the ones I'm in with loved ones and friends. It kinda drives me insane. So to make sure I don't forget, and maybe others don't forget, I'm going to write my definition here.
Love: is a FEELING. It is not a question. It is not a commitment. It is not a promise. It is a feeling. It is kinda like happiness, or sadness, or anger, except it is tied to physical objects. which really, so is everything else.
Love is basically feeling an incredible sense of happiness when in the prescence of something/someone you love. It is absolutely nothing more than that.
Just like other emotions, it has varying depths. For example, there is platonic love. I have a dear friend who Ii can sincerely say I love. Whenever I see her, I am very happy, and she means the world to me and I'll protect her no matter what. But I want nothing to do with her romantically. That would be weird. It also isn't as intense of a love as a romantic love, but just as meaningful. Seeing her happy brings my life joy. It's just like happiness, or sadness, or anger. You may see roadkill, and it will make you sad. You see someone die, and it makes you cry, There's depression, that cripples you. Different levels, same emotion. Sometimes so radically different that it feels like different emotions, but really they're the same.
Then there's romantic love, which people tend to always think about. My example is my girlfriend. I love her to the depths of my heart, and forgive her for all she does and embrace her. Seeing her instantly brightens my day. Whenever I am with her, there is an intense happiness surrounding me. And I just want to hold her forever, and keep her around me and feeling safe, and hold her hand. It is much more intimate. (Not sexual though. Sexual attraction is still, while it can be linked, completely different).
I believe love even goes to objects, though at a much lesser extent. There can be items which, with a strong enough attraction, can be loved. That you feel the certain emotion, love, when you are around it. Love is triggered. Usually it is the most basic form of love, but it still counts. I think that's how some people actually develop a emotional attraction to inanimate objects. (sexual attraction is still a completely different story though, and has nothing to do with love).
That is the definition, but s many people mess it up. They automatically think it is sort sort of obligation or commitment. It. Is. Not. That's what destroys people.
Just because I love someone doesn't mean they automatically have to do something for me. That's retarded. They are my feelings, and my feelings alone. So if someone doesn't reciprocate your love, why should it matter? It isn't a question. Just because seeing a certain someone makes you angry, you don't go to that person and say "I hate you! Do you hate me too?" Some people do. They feel like it means more when it is a shared feeling. It's true, this creates a certain bond. It is a good thing. But people tend to think love only exists with that bond. When someone you hate doesn't hate you back, do you say, "You know what, it isn't working, I guess I'll stop hating that guy now." No. You don't. That's stupid. You can't control who you hate. It just happens. If your hate does burn out when the other person doesn't reciprocate, that is only because you were trying to get attention, and the fabricated feeling wasn't even real in the first place.
So it really annoys me when someone is in love, and when the other person involved doesn't feel the same the original decides they are sick of being the only one feeling and they're giving up. Love doesn't work that way. So it's somehow the other person's fault because they don't have a certain happiness that you do? That's selfish. You don't say that, and give up. Love is b eing happy with someone. There are no negatives in that. Love is a blessing. Throwing that blessing away because you didn't get a special bond out of it is like throwing away the winning lottery ticket because you only got $10,000 instead of $90,000.
People are chasing a love story instead of being grateful they have a love to begin with. it's a special thing. A bond is just something that may occur from love, but isn't actual love itself. It's an addition. Separate. So when Person A is in love with Person B, but Person B doesn't love them back, person A shouldn't just throw in the towel and give up. You can't 'give up' love. It isn't a challenge. It isn't a goal. that's like giving up sadness or happiness. You just can't. They are completely out of your control. If you could throw it away, that was a fabricated love all along that you made up to make yourself feel good. That's stupid.
You can't beat yourself up because someone doesn't love you. It isn't personal. You have to think about as 'they don't have an incredible happiness whenever they see you'. It doesn't mean they don't care about you an incredible amount. Forcing obligations on them when it is your feelings and just your feelings is just hurtful and self-diestructive. If everyone just understood this, it wouldn't be so damn hard.
I have a friend who is in love with me. He has been for a number of years. I don't love him. He is one of my greatest friends in the world. He means so much to me. But it doesn't matter because somehow, because I don't have feelings for him, it is hurting him. i have no control over it, but somehow i am at fault. And I see him saying "I am sick of being the only one trying, I'm giving up, love is stupid." It kills me. It hurts me. I feel terrible. I'm sure he wants me to read it. But what the hell can I do? I can't force myself to love him. I can't stop loving the person I care about, who makes me happy. Comments like these is like saying 'you're really happy, but I'm not, so stop being happy for me'. And no one in love would say that.
Again, there's nothing I can do about the situation, But at least, I can make sure I never forget this theory, which I made years ago long before this stupid situation, and maybe I can share it so others understand. I just wish everything could be better.
Remember: love is a blessing. Love is an incredible happiness you can't find anywhere else. Love is a rarity that shouldn't be squandered, and isn't meant to cause you harm. Love is not something that you can take away, but it comes and goes as you let it, flows from person to person over time. It is one way and one way only, and even if the person loves you back, while the bond is one you share, the love is something individual, something differnt for each partner and not controlled by the other. As soon as you start connecting your love with someone else, you are blaming someone else. If you know it is your own feeling, just like your anger, your fear, your gladness, and your sadness, then you won't get hurt or angry when others don't reciprocate.
Cherish your gift and don't ruin the experience. Don't give up on love forever wen it doesn't go 'right'. Love is not a journey, but it will lead you on one, just like every other emotion.
Life is good.
