Apologies

I'm sorry I keep perpetuating something that will never happen.
I'm not sure why I keep doing that.
Especially when I would say 'no' anyway.
I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, and hoping you'll bring it up.
I'm sorry it means so much to me.

I'm sorry I keep harping on you and making you feel guilty.
I'm sorry I want you to feel guilty.
No, I don't want you to feel guilty. I want you to notice I want you to.
I actually want you to tell me you're  just joking and there's nothing to be guilty about.
I want you to reaffirm our bond and friendship, even though it's not your job.
I'm sorry I grate on you.
I'm sorry I get offended by your looks.
I'm sorry I don't believe in you.
I'm sorry I'm not confident enough in myself to believe I could continue to be your friend.
I'm sorry I put you through pain until I stop this.

I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy.
I hope your happy now. Do you still remember me?
I bet you do. I sort of don't want you to.
I'm sorry I sometimes don't want to see you.
I'm sorry I'm a tempramental jerk.
I'm sorry you met me.
I'm sorry I met you.
But I am so, so glad.
You are such a great friend.
You deserve so much better than me.
Thank you for staying beside me.
I'm sorry I don't want you to be too close.
(Thank you for worrying about me. Please don't hurt yourself.)

I'm sorry I expect more of you.
I adore you.
Please be my friend.
 I'm sorry I expect you to notice my sandness.

I'm sorry I compare myself to you.
I'm sorry I don't feel confident in myself even when you say I'm better.
I'm sorry I can't act like you.
I think you're amazing. I want to be you.
I'm sorry I try to trouble you with my problems.
Your's are so, so, so much worse. Mine don't compare.
But they're still problems.
I'm sorry you have to hold two roles at once.
You're my best friend.
I'm sorry I try to change you for the better.
I'm sorry I care so much.
I'm sorry I keep worrying, even though you tell me not to.
I'm sorry I'll never listen.
Thank you for saving me.

I'm sorry I keep staring at you.
........///
I can't help it.


I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so, so sorry
Please forgive me don't forgive me
I'm so, so, so sorry
I'm sorry
Please
I'm sorry
Forgive me
It's hard enough for me to forgive myself.
(I'm so sorry)
(Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.)

I'm sorry I don't always listen.
I'm sorry I couldn't be who You're people say I should.
But I love You more than anyone and try to enact Your will, and that more than makes up for it.
Right?
I'm sorry I am quick to thoughts, but not words or actions.
Please tell me if I can improve.
I live only to please, and to serve.


I'm so sorry you're sad.
Each day you look a bit older.
A bit bitter.
A bit more disappointed.
I'm sorry you feel dejected.
I'm sorry I am not the most quick to the uptake, and fast to adventure.
I'm sorry I do not play your games and fall into your ploys.
Oh, how very strongly I wish I did.
We would both be so much happier.
......I'm sorry.
I'm so worried.
It's hard to show it sometimes, though.
I wish I was better at playing.

Do I have anything to apologize for?
If I do, I sincerely and genuinely apologize.
I don't ever want to make you sad.
I'll try my best to work as hard as you do.

I'm sorry I sometimes go off on you.
I don't hate you.
I really don't.
I just hate what you believe.
I detest it, in fact.
It makes my blood boil.
'They are lesser people', you say?
You compare me to those people--some am I a 'lesser person' in your eyes?
Is that why you cannot treat me as your equal?
I like you, respect you, hold you in high esteem--
So I'm sorry that there are times when I believe I despise you.
I don't!

I'm sorry I dream of you.

I'm sorry I'm such a good actor.
I'm sorry I expect people notice my pain.
I'm sorry I hold onto my dispair like a life rope.
I'm sorry I need people to know me.
I'm sorry I'm obsessed with affection.
I'm sorry I act out of line.
I'm sorry I don't measure up.
I'm sorry I hate.
I'm sorry I love.
I'm sorry I can not break my own addictions and habits.
I'm sorry I make people worry...
I'm sorry I wish I made people worry.
I'm sorry I hate mself, but
I'm sorry I love myself.
I'm sorry I can't escape my own head even to expand into the world.
I'm sorry that I rush outside and take 'me' with me.
It clings to me with every step.
I'm sorry that I am self absorbed.
I'm sorry I need to apologize to myself.

~-~-~-
(I feel like this is some sort of hell's Christmas list.
I probably won't remember who each paragraph represents by next year. But that's okay, I think.)

 Life is good.