I've realized recently how easily we can change what we are defined by, and how often I myself do it. During the summer, I am a marching bandie. I wear my marching band clothes, display my horn proudly, practice my steps. During school, I am an artist. When it comes to social issues, I am a bisexual and a gay rights activist. In my solitary moments, I am a Christain and a muscian, and with friends I am part of the Nerd Herd. Inside the realm of my memories, I am the sad one, the depressed one. During certain days or hours, I am the romantic. And now, ever since I've been volunteering at my old elementary school, I wear my visitor sticker to project my identity as a teacher.
It is so easy, just with what you wear or what you do, to completely change what you are identitfied with and how you are perceived by others. Whatever label you place on yourself or allow others to connect with you defines your identity. Often, we categorize people we know using these identities, these usually one word descriptors. And yet, how often do I change my own, depending on the time?
Is there such thing as a singular, all encompassing identity? Sure, there is certainly something that can sum up most of my attributes; if you were to label me Artist, it would be my drawing, writing, music, photography, cooking, and all the other creative pursuits I often strongly associate myself with. But it would be, at the same time, cutting out so much that makes me, me. Suddenly pacifist, dreamer, accepter, religious, needy, asthetic, socially awkward, foolish... All those other characteristic can not be put into one single description.
Is it fair, then, to categorize others by these descriptors? Am I not seeing all sides of them, all the different facets of them? And then, is it unfair of me to always wish someone knew who I am, understood me completely, when I am always changing what i define myself with? Honestly, as sad as it may be, I did not realize I was doing this, and so my expectations of others to know me were needlessly difficult.
I was talking to Rachel about how I realized, we don't really learn every aspect of a person in reality. Unlike in roleplaying, where you're always looking for an opprutunity to expose some part of your character's thought process, or background, real life isn't like that. You can go through an eternity with someone and not learn every single thing about them. This was also a new concept to me; that you may see signs of aspects people have that you may never learn the meanings to, or trigger them many times without knowing it, and make them feel special without ever realizing. There are parts of people that they will take to their graves. And realizing that, I also realize that it is that very fact that makes talking to people so interesting. If there was a limit to how much you could know about someone, then it would be like in games, where you figure out everything they can say like leveling up and then move on.
I need to apply these observations to my own subconscious behavior. I need to stop expecting people to know every little thing about me, and being disappointed when I realize they don't. I need to stop giving out so much information about myself, believing my thoughts are so important that everyone should know them. I need to accept that things go smoother when I only give information that is asked about me. Narrow my doors a bit, and give others the chance feel curious and decide to open them. Bombarding others with information isn't deepening relationships; it's getting rid of the chance for others to make to conscious decision to want to know me better.
If I can somehow turn these thoughts into action, I'm sure I'd feel a bit more satisfied with my relationships. Now the hard part is doing it.
Life is good.
It is so easy, just with what you wear or what you do, to completely change what you are identitfied with and how you are perceived by others. Whatever label you place on yourself or allow others to connect with you defines your identity. Often, we categorize people we know using these identities, these usually one word descriptors. And yet, how often do I change my own, depending on the time?
Is there such thing as a singular, all encompassing identity? Sure, there is certainly something that can sum up most of my attributes; if you were to label me Artist, it would be my drawing, writing, music, photography, cooking, and all the other creative pursuits I often strongly associate myself with. But it would be, at the same time, cutting out so much that makes me, me. Suddenly pacifist, dreamer, accepter, religious, needy, asthetic, socially awkward, foolish... All those other characteristic can not be put into one single description.
Is it fair, then, to categorize others by these descriptors? Am I not seeing all sides of them, all the different facets of them? And then, is it unfair of me to always wish someone knew who I am, understood me completely, when I am always changing what i define myself with? Honestly, as sad as it may be, I did not realize I was doing this, and so my expectations of others to know me were needlessly difficult.
I was talking to Rachel about how I realized, we don't really learn every aspect of a person in reality. Unlike in roleplaying, where you're always looking for an opprutunity to expose some part of your character's thought process, or background, real life isn't like that. You can go through an eternity with someone and not learn every single thing about them. This was also a new concept to me; that you may see signs of aspects people have that you may never learn the meanings to, or trigger them many times without knowing it, and make them feel special without ever realizing. There are parts of people that they will take to their graves. And realizing that, I also realize that it is that very fact that makes talking to people so interesting. If there was a limit to how much you could know about someone, then it would be like in games, where you figure out everything they can say like leveling up and then move on.
I need to apply these observations to my own subconscious behavior. I need to stop expecting people to know every little thing about me, and being disappointed when I realize they don't. I need to stop giving out so much information about myself, believing my thoughts are so important that everyone should know them. I need to accept that things go smoother when I only give information that is asked about me. Narrow my doors a bit, and give others the chance feel curious and decide to open them. Bombarding others with information isn't deepening relationships; it's getting rid of the chance for others to make to conscious decision to want to know me better.
If I can somehow turn these thoughts into action, I'm sure I'd feel a bit more satisfied with my relationships. Now the hard part is doing it.
Life is good.
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