I'm looking back at old photos, and realizing how our thought influence what we present through the camera. The eye behind the lens influences what appears through it. It's strange to me; even as a photographer, I always assumed it photography couldn't be expressive art, and that anything involving capturing and reproducing reality could do little more than present with distance. I could not see how an artist could influence photography. Make it their own. Tell stories.
But looking back, it's obvious. There are so many things in reality--thousands of moments and angles and perceptions. And which moments you capture--those say something.
It makes me a bit uneasy, looking back at the photos my brother took of me during our warm years. I look back and know, in hindsight, that he loved me. And it makes these really beautiful, flattering images appear in a new light.
Whenever I was the focus, it always seemed like watching someone beautiful I think there's love in these.
Or maybe they're just great photographs. I don't know. But reflecting on it, I always assumed these were the best photos of me, most representative of myself. I think that's because I've always been a bit in love with myself too. (Or, a lot in love with myself.) I can see it in a lot of the pictures I take if they make me the focus.
I always try to make my happiness palpable or I make myself look desirable in some other fashion. I always get transfixed by photos of myself. And when I'm taking photos, I simply wish that I could be the focus of all my shots. It's another form of narcissism, I guess. I've never been interested in finding the beauty of other people through my photos, but I constantly wanted to communicate how desirable I was to others.
I have other photos too, though. Photos where I try to capture edginess, sadness, or more often than not, a feeling of being disturbed.
They're either washed out or they're gritty
I don't know. It's strange. I have a lot more to think about. About photography. About identity. About how I want to be viewed and how I view myself.
Life is good.
But looking back, it's obvious. There are so many things in reality--thousands of moments and angles and perceptions. And which moments you capture--those say something.
It makes me a bit uneasy, looking back at the photos my brother took of me during our warm years. I look back and know, in hindsight, that he loved me. And it makes these really beautiful, flattering images appear in a new light.
Or maybe they're just great photographs. I don't know. But reflecting on it, I always assumed these were the best photos of me, most representative of myself. I think that's because I've always been a bit in love with myself too. (Or, a lot in love with myself.) I can see it in a lot of the pictures I take if they make me the focus.
I always try to make my happiness palpable or I make myself look desirable in some other fashion. I always get transfixed by photos of myself. And when I'm taking photos, I simply wish that I could be the focus of all my shots. It's another form of narcissism, I guess. I've never been interested in finding the beauty of other people through my photos, but I constantly wanted to communicate how desirable I was to others.
I have other photos too, though. Photos where I try to capture edginess, sadness, or more often than not, a feeling of being disturbed.
I don't know. It's strange. I have a lot more to think about. About photography. About identity. About how I want to be viewed and how I view myself.
Life is good.
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