Thoughts and Observations after Twenty Minutes of Self-Strangulation

• When did I forget that suffocation caused death?
  Will all my suicide attempts be accidents?
  (Have any of them been ‘accidents’?)

• How much would I hate myself for leaving a body inside my dorm,
  giving my friend a corpse instead of a roommate?

• How much tighter does it have to be to leave a bruise?
• Why do I want a bruise so badly?
  (Maybe it would be proof I could have done it if I had wanted to.
  But what would I do when the colour started to fade?)

• Is breathing really all it’s cracked up to be?

•  I was so close to death. I really could have died.

• I was doing it so I could fall asleep. I don’t think I cared how long I would be out.

• Why do I want to live?
• Why do I want to die?

• When was the last time anyone held me this tightly?